Stupid Icicles Tricks - Do Not Try To Recreate!

While shoveling snow off the back deck this past week, I saw several four and five feet long icicles hanging over the steps. Fearing that they would fall off and stab one of the dogs as they romped up and down the stairs, I decided to do the responsible thing and carefully knock them off. Being only 5'2" my arms plus the shovel were having a hard time reaching the base of the icicles...that and the fact the roof they were hanging from was probably 10' higher than I was. I banged at one and realized - whoa there - back off a bit before one stabs me in the head. A few lost their tails, but the large base remained. This just was not working as planned and the dogs were now more interested in what I was doing than playing with their buddies in the back yard. So naturally they are swarming around my legs. I chase them off determined to get rid of the biggest one before devising a more efficient way of ridding my home of the icicle necklace it wore. I carefully stepped back a few inches, raised my shovel and tapped the offending icicle. It cracked and I watched in slow motion as it DID NOT fall straight down to the deck floor, but rather, shimmied down my shovel, down my raised arms and BAM right into my forehead.

I threw the shovel down and took my snow packed, gloved hands and applied pressure to my bleeding head. I leaned over the deck and moaned, groaned and whimpered...whether more so because I was in pain or because I have a sh*&$ty, inadequate health insurance policy that would undoubtedly not cover this accident and I was still paying off the $4000 emergency room visit from the spring when I put my fist through the storm door (not entirely by accident). Stunned, I wobbled into the kitchen and peeked at my head. There was a bloody slit over the forehead and an eggplant size bump. The cut didn't look deep enough to require stitches and the bump, according to foke lore, would go away with a Hienz Apple Cider Vinegar treatment - hold a cotton, vinegar soaked rag to your head. I didn't do that, butI did have some oatmeal as it is supposed to make your headache go away.

It's three days later and my self-diagnosed concussion is finally on the mend. I am amazingly grateful that I didn't poke my eye or brain out. And Doug, seeing my clumsy efforts, removed all the remaining icicles around the house before I got anymore smart ideas. Oh, the picture is of some things I would never see if I continued to be this stupid!!!